Yoga

I've become re-infatuated with yoga again for the first time in a few years. I'm determined to raise myself to a higher level existence... Not. I just enjoy the stretching and the physical aspect of it. I particularly enjoy the fact that I'm able to do the more advanced moves with some ease now, especially the arm balancing postures. Hopefully this yoga biz will help my migraines a little. I never got any results in the past, but maybe now, ya never know. Right now I've been suffering from some viral throat infection all weekend. It hasn't prevented me from doing the more meaningful things in life yet. i.e. lounging in the sun, jumping around, climbing things, prowling, and other cat-like activities. I've just been doing these things as a slightly dizzy cat-kevin, dizzy from the illness/fever/whatever. Anyway, I will quite enjoy making crepes tomorrow. I bought cheese and cheese and fruit to put in them, so they should incredibly delicious. Or as they say down in tiajuana, "¡Muy Muy Delicioso! mas tequila por favor". Anyway, I'm being pressured to finish this blog, so I'm ending this post.

Viral Infections

Well, it turns out that I caught a viral infection when I went to Zetti's last night. I don't know how to pronounce what it is, but at least it is not strep. Good news, is that I'm not supposed to go to work now until next week. Doctor's orders, yay! I finally found a nice doctor at that school health facilities. She says she suffers from migraines too, and even though that wasn't the reason for my visit, we talked about them a little, and she gave me a bunch of free meds to try for when I get my next migraine. Migraines, are strange. It's hard to be completely sympathetic unless you've had them yourself I think. I think I'll try Imitrex next time. It sounded like the safest one. I always worry about triptans, because of the possibility of rebound headaches, but what the hell. Doc was super nice, and convinced me to take them.
Also, I'm currently baking the blueberry meringue. I put a tiny bit of blueberry juice in the meringue part, and it turned blue! Yay, I love blue freaky meringues.

Budgets

Budgeting is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don't think I was organized enough this month. I was going to give myself a stipend of money to spend things on this month, but then lost track of all my receipts, and I think I spent a little more than I wanted to. I gave myself over $100 leeway though, so I still have enough to cover rent and auto insurance. I just did not want to come so close so soon. Oh well, I'll just add my receipts for the week and see where exactly I turned out. In other news I am kinda sick today so I will not be going in to work. I've been missing a lot of days lately, and I should probably make up for it, but I really dislike working there. It's not a very challenging environment and I just feel so absurd sitting there wasting everybody's time all day, and them wasting my time. Even if they are paying me well, it is not enough to buy small amounts of happiness when I won't have a reasonable amount of time to enjoy said happiness due to the job. So I'm going to take the day off, and see if they still wish to continue paying me. You might ask then, "if you aren't working what are your plans for the day?". Simple. Bake delicious pies! I have ingredients for a blueberry meringue that should turn out splendid with plenty leftover for future pies as well. Anyway, it's off to the bank I go. Tra la la.

Bananaphone

I had a thought that struck me in just the right way so as to halt my sleeping efforts tonight. Therefore, I have decided to follow suit with Candy and her blog, not out of envy, but as a useful medium to quell the storms in my mind. Perhaps I have had a sudden clarification of certain issues that I have faced throughout the past months. I've always tried to believe that everyone is equal, not even in just a biblical sense, but in an actual real sense as well. I think there is something deeply common between humankind. It is easy to falter in these beliefs on a day to day basis when one has not recently been reminded of how greatly circumstances and life events can shape the way we act towards one another. Typical examples happen everywhere every day: a rude look from a passerby, using foul language in public, a child being beaten by a parent, road raged gestures, vaguely or obviously racist conversations or actions. Any of these could seem perfectly normal, average, upsetting, aggravating, or even funny depending on the person, context, situation, age, generation, group of people... etc. The more perspective you try to have in life, the more different viewpoints, alternate ways of looking at things, the more you try to think about why someone does something, the harder it is to stick to strict methods of thinking that some people are just less civilized or more evil or less good than others. Maybe someone just had a bad day. Think about how many times you may have had a bad day and snubbed a stranger instead of smiling and saying hello (or done worse things). Then think about the millions (billions?) of people in the world and how many bad days are happening at any given moment. This could also be in the millions or at least several hundred thousands. More often I see just how closer, after witnessing these acts of antisocial behavior, I feel to humanity, how I can think myself into, or have been in, the other person's shoes.
I often have doubts about the way I believe. Sometimes it's easier to fall down a path that leads to feeling like some people are just inherently less good, that wrong injustices have taken place that need not have happened originally. To add to previous statements, I have been thinking a great deal while trying to sleep. And I think I have realized a bit more. It is completely possible for the human brain to program itself, or brainwash in a way, into paradoxical or impossible thought patterns. Like a computer application, the brain can function as a state machine. As a child, physically the brain is freer. The brain has so many open possibilities, it has not yet been hardened and structured by so many nerve connections that make up the adult brain. It is important to try to achieve this kind of mindset, even if it might only be an imitation of a pure connectionless innocence. As an adult, our life experiences and revelations form concrete nerve connections in the brain, forming a more solid structure, one that often finds easiest paths within the already formed structure, as opposed to forming new connections all the time. This is why the older we get, the more "set in our ways" we become. It is physically easier for the brain to follow the state structure we have created. When faced with similar situations in life, connections have already been made that tell us how we have dealt with the situation in the past. Therefore, it is always easier to repeat the past. It is always more comforting to do as we have done as a teenager or young adult. The brain has been programmed a certain way, either by parents, life experiences, individual experiences, or social/societal influences. Everyone seems so different in that, yes all our brains have been programmed differently due to these experiences and thoughts. But given the same experiences and thoughts, would you really be able to see yourself as much different than anybody else? I believe it is better to think openly and try to achieve that childlike state of freeness in mind, than constantly live with rigid thoughts thinking only as an individual, thinking that I am completely different than everyone else. Equality, not difference.
I think it is entirely possible for the human brain to accidentally program itself into dangerous situations. I think thoughts patterns can occur that lead the brain into a state that cannot be recovered from. Think of the thought patterns in the brain as going through a maze, making choices to navigate through each part of the maze, except when you make a choice "right" or "left" or "whatever" you also change the topography of the maze. A situation can arise where you reach a dead end mentally and the way back has also turned into a dead end, so you are boxed in. Or say your brain actually thinks one of the dead ends is an exit, but that exit is suicide. It should always be possible to reprogram the brain to open a path besides the dead end and the "exit". But once in that state the option of rethinking your way out does not exist. It can not be seen from your current vantage point, and changing the maze can take a long time. This is something I realized that I had known before, but I still had lapses in faith during the bad times. I programmed myself into terrible, restrictive, and selfish thought patterns. It is better to think like the child. Life is safer when you don't know anything.

Oh yeah, p.s. I'm going to try learning the song Bananaphone by Raffi on my guitar. Whee!