Angst

I've written two small pieces for classical guitar this week. I wonder if this is the beginning of another creative streak. I've been devoid of any inspiration for many months now. Now that I'm finally skilled enough to start exploring the range of my guitar I can start writing again. I'm also thinking about writing something for piano as well. I will be house sitting next weekend and there is a piano there. Perhaps I could record something while I'm there. I prefer to be musically inspired than to sit there and have only garbage come out of my pencil. Anyway, I had a successful phone interview today for another computer job. Don't know if I'll get a real interview or not, but at least I didn't fuck up and accidentally swear or anything like that, so kudos to me. I'm not sure why I have such an aversion towards working lately. I feel so much more excited about sitting at home and wallowing than to actually try and earn money. I wish I could live without money. I'm so disillusioned. There is nothing that I want. Nothing that I need. Why should I have to agree to exist in the burdens of an affluent world. I'd be happy eating pine cones all day if I could just be warm and safe and not have to pay whopping amounts of rent. The only reason I spend money is just to get rid of it. If I did not have any I wouldn't even care about buying that exotic piece of fruit. I don't even need to drive anywhere, but I do because I have the money to occasionally buy gas. Anyways, enough of that. I made Clafoutis. It is a french pastry involving cherries. Go here for the recipe clafoutis recipe. It makes a splendid breakfast treat or late night snack. Excellent on its own, but can easily be made sweeter if topped with honey or maple syrup depending on your mood.

New favorite past time

Candace got me a harmonica for my birthday. Now I've never played one before, but it was easy to pick up. It's strange how so often something new that I've never done before gives me the feeling of as if I'm doing something I've always done before. Like and old hobby or past time. Like the feeling of, "oh that? I've always done that...". I dunno it's weird. But it is fun to just sit around and harmonica every now and then. I still like my guitar and piano skills though.

Planets

I think I've made good choices in life. I'm very happy with the quality of experiences I've had. I think satisfied would be the word for it. I remember being a kid and tv and movies would sometimes depict a dying old person wishing they had done more with his or her life. Or just some older person having a crisis and needing to do some childish thing to feel good about the life they lived. I've experienced a wide spectrum of emotions and events. I'm not completely worldly and distinguished, but I was no hermit either. I certainly did not hold back with my experiences. It's not necessarily about happiness. It's about experiencing the world, observing, interacting, being. I've felt intense joys, and intense pains, and extreme sorrows, and fierce anger, and a great deal of every spectrum of human existence. I cherished all of it equally. If I were told I would die tomorrow, or even within the hour, I would be content. That is if not for thinking of those who love me, but that will not change even when I'm old and gray. My life from here on is just gravy. This planet is mine to live on and be a part of.